Evading the CSTU

Despite my honest attempts to improve, my antics have been reported to the authorities. Enter the Counter Social Terrorist Unit. They've been taking my friends hostage and poking them in the head repeatedly until they give up my location. HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT I DO??

CSTU sent a strike team this afternoon to the LDS church I regularly attend, but lucky for me, today was STAKE CONFERENCE--when we randomly meet at another building with 3-8 other congregations at a completely different time. AH AH AHA H HA AH HAHA!! You'll never get me, Hack Mauer!!

A Google search for "Steve Cox" also baffled CSTU:

How do I know what CSTU's been doing up to?? Let's just say someone @ CSTU loves AOL instant messenger--and thinks I'm Jon Voight.

While I've been on the run, I've had some more problems:

• biting a recently returned sister missionary's ankle before introducing myself
• biting Tiffanie's friend's left kneecap moments after introducing myself
• yelling "RYUUKEN!!" with passion while lifting stuff in an otherwise peaceful medical clinic
• stealing numbers out of a WHOLE LOT of phones
• getting my face really really really close to other peoples' faces (a guy asked me to do it to his girlfriend @ church--I am a sideshow act)

One of the terrorized actually wrote me a note several days later, saying she enjoyed the insanity, and that we should hang out some time.

STOP ENCOURAGING ME

it's not helping the situation

So to evade the CSTU last weekend. I followed some comrades to an undisclosed location. Paul & Justin were invited to do the music at weddin' reception.

Here's they are practicing a song,

in the lone & dreary world:

They were a total hit, everybody loved them. The crowd was legendary. Fun as heck. I got lots of free food. And I got lots of free food. And holy wow the father of groom owns a hotel and hooked us up.

Justin's wife Amy came. As did another female.

After the performance, we went to the Butlers, some of our favorite people ever. Their kids are HILARIOUS. Good times. Quotable. They were besting Kevin McAllister at stair-sledding. Here's Justin giving it a whirl:

Mrs. Butler, surgically brushing her son's teeth:

Either way, it was an excellent opportunity to get outta town and reevaluate how we do things down here.

And I got to sleep in a bed. I hadn't slept in a bed in a while. I'm a couch-sleeper these days.

July 2009 - Into the Danger Zone

O July, I miss you already...

♫ NOOOOOOOOWW thaaatt you're gOOOoooooOONNNE...

was what I did so WRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNGGG,

SO WROOOOOONNNNNG

THAT YOU HAD TO LEEEEEEEEEAAAVVVEE MEEE ALOOOOOOOHOOOONNNE ♫

George Michael described it perfectly.

NOT this George Michael

THIS George Michael

ANYWAYS. Time to summarize July.

Let us discuss SOCIAL TERRORISM.

THIS is social terrorism:

This is part of why people don't take me seriously. I do weird things at people. Several times I have walked into a birthday party I was not invited to, found the birthday boy/girl, introduced myself, thrown them over my shoulder, and spun them around at cosmic speeds--one revolution for each year of their life.

Misdemeanor offenses include:

• singing people's names loudly in situations they are likely uncomfortable in
• asking any guy & girl standing next to each other at any social or nonsocial gathering if they are lovers
• stealing people's phones and taking pictures of random people with them
• c

Actually I'm just gonna stop right there, I don't wanna reveal too much. Maybe now that I've told you, I will feel awkward doing these things.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Despite such despicable acts of social terrorism, I actually am pretty serious inside. Last night, after dividing & conquering the town, there was much Nintendo to be had. Paul, Randy, Connor, & I play at an incredibly high level. As we play, we discuss the issues. Serious issues. So serious I can't even write them.

Serious stuff. Paul G. & I spoke at a church meeting last Sunday night. It went alright. Despite how nervous & unprepared I felt, I was very pleased with how the words came out. I think I made sense.

Afterwards, a few people I know treated me differently than they normally do. It was an, "I didn't know you ever thought about anything beside laser guns & how to freak me out," type response. Usually Michelle Stones runs away whenever I get within 5 feet of her, but that night she was actually down for a conversation. Strange. So strange. I guess not that strange.

NEW SUBJECT.

We're overdue for a picture so here's Kenny Loggins:

Yep. Ummmmmmmm ok so I had a birthday party on July 10th.

Here's the pic & description I used for the Facebook event:

Steve's 24th!! = CEREAL + NINTENDO + SWIMMING + YOU

eat TONS of cereal, enjoy NINTENDO, scuba dive, meet rad new people

Despite the best efforts of communist dictators & HOAs everywhere,

Steve has survived yet another year.

You are invited to come celebrate.

HOLY MONKEYS!! 20+ kinds of cereal to choose from!!

OH YES! 1%, 2%, skim, and whole milks!

We spared no expense.

Two floors of insanity + the backyard! Old & new people!

NINTENDO 64, Wii, and the ORIGINAL NES will be good to go!

AT THE SAME TIME.

SWIMMING for those aquatically inclined.

BUFORD, Steve's mildly retarded but undeniably charming beagle will be present for photographs.

BILLIARDS--AIR HOCKEY--PING flipping PONG--FOOSBALL

Yeah, I know, excessive use of ALL CAPS.

Anyways. I was pleased with the turnout. I especially enjoyed that roughly a fifth of the people there were persons I had never before met. I like that. I'm usually that person, going to random party I heard about by text. I hope they felt welcome.

A BOATLOAD of cereal was consumed.

My excellent brother Connor created the "24" seen below. Perfect mathematics.

There were also 21 gallons of milk. 14 were used that evening. My fam toasted the rest before the expiration date.

The girl at the checkout counter enjoyed my cart full of cereal followed by a cart full of milk. I invited her to come to the party, but alas, she did not show. I told her that I had become sick of swimming in chlorinated water and had elected to try whole milk.

Ummmmmm hopefully I'll be checking in weeklyish. If you want me to answer any specific questions just hit me by email or facebook message.